I am beside myself with glee. I really thought this weekend would be fun, but not that special sort of fun that makes me giggle like a child. There is an abandoned mall inside this hotel. This is not a drill. Let’s back up for a minute. I’m in Yakima at the Hilton Tapestry hotel, a place known for having Mason roots. There is a tour you can take, but it’s only on weekdays, and I have already spent a night in a Shriner clown room*, so I’m good. This hotel is labyrinthine. The outside is a confusion of empty storefronts showcasing local art and no admittance doorways. The garage is keycard access only. The porte cochere is more of circular drive, with one part of the circle blocked by potted plants and a grouping of roped off chairs. There is a patio with arched columns, gated with ornamental fencing, where an air conditioning unit is housed. Walking around the hotel gives a disorienting feeling of always head...