Refracted Neurons

1. Duct tape 2. At least 40 oz of Pepsi 3. A punching bag with a scary clown face on it that laughs when you hit it 4. A pizza 5. A really catchy and terrible song that I can put on repeat on my MP3 player 6. A new hat 7. One of those giant rolls of tickets 8. A good book 9. A massage 10. Someone to hold hostage until these demands are met 

I was coming out of the Dollar Store today and heard someone yell, "I don't like people getting in my stuff!"  I looked up and discovered a dishelved looking man staggering towards me.  As he passed by me, he continued rambling incoherently. Which begs the question: Blue Tooth or Nut Ball? I've wondered this many times, and unless the person is rhyming and word salading up a storm, I usually err on the side of sane.  As I got in my car, I started thinking about what defines insanity.  Our definition of insanity is fairly dependant on deviating from the norm.  So if the norm changes to look more like insanity, is the person still insane?  For example: someone who is wearing a headset is hearing and talking to voices that no one else hears.  If you asked this person if s/he believed the voices were real, s/he would say yes, that they were coming out of a device s/he was wearing.  Doesn't that sound just a little like schizophrenia?

Someone told me that they saw an intern therapist dressed in a Pagliacci's uniform, "I wouldn't go to a therapist who was a pizza delivery guy." The reason for this is that interns don't get paid, and since there's nothing ethically compromising about pizza . . . Why not have a pizzaria that is run entirely by intern therapists?  It could be open 24/7, and the therapists could get their hours in while earning some money.  If you have a session, you get a discount on your pizza. And yes, I would call it Therapizza and it would be the ultimate crazy magnet.  All the wackos would be there at four o'clock in the morning instead of hanging around hospitals and Jack-in-the-box drive throughs.  But nobody's stabbing anybody at Therapizza because the staff are trained in verbal de-escalation, physical intervention, and good old fashioned Italian bribery.  I would tout it as a holistic approach that addresses not only the needs of the mind, but also of t...

1. Disease 2. Llamas 3. Being part of a post-apocalyptic commune 4. A boob job 5. A little red Honda motorcycle 6. Underwear that's so sexy it hurts (literally) 7. Psychic powers 8. Earthquakes 9. Mental illness 10. Missing Fingers 

I can't put into words what's bothering me, so time to laugh: Our topic of the month for our Health and Safety Committee at work was Rabies.  The guy who was presenting the topic had this to say: Guy (G): If I ever get Rabies I'm gonna bite someone and give them Rabies. Me (M): How? G: Just walk up to someone and bite them. M: Anyone? G: Anyone. M: Co-workers? G: Yup. M: (scooting back chair) Enemies? G: If I bit my enemy, I wouldn't tell them I had Rabies.

This morning I was reading the Evil Plan book that my best friend and I created.  I realized that I haven't written in there since about 2004 sometime.  Anyway, here's what the me of two years ago was plotting: "Complain about feeling ill.  Run unexpectedly towards cute guy.  Projectile vomit on cute guy's pants.  Yell, 'Quick, take off your pants!  I'll get some water on them!'  Be very urgent about this.  Leave . . . with pants.  Do not ever ever return." Cute guys of the world, BEWARE!

You will never be the reason I push the air out of my lungs, You will always be the reason I dance. Did ya know?  It's not breathing in that's the hard or important part.  Breathing out, expelling the oxygen-depleated air is what requires the muscular movement of the diaphragm.  Exhaling creates a vacuum and air rushes in to fill it.