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The Things You Say . . . They're Unbelievable

The day after I moved, I told one of my co-workers that I had woke up and thought, "Where am I?"  My co-worker said, "I woke up this morning and thought, Who's she?  And who's her friend?"          

While doing a Vebal De-escalation and Containment training I was demonstrating how to get away from someone who is biting you.  Almost all the releases require a volunteer to help demonstrate, except this one.  I said, "The next part is releases from bites, but I don't need someone to bite me."  One of the staff said, "Someone might like that too much!"

"I like fast cars and fast men."
"I thought it was psycho men."

One of my co-workers was talking about being tired because he was old.  I think he may have meant to say that it was hard to be excited about listening to a trainer when youre geriatric, but what he actually said was, "It's hard when you're androgynous."  Another co-worker and I started laughing and the co-worker said, "It's hard to excite androgynous people."

The trainer was talking about using silence when interviewing people and he used Stephen Hawking as an example.  This is more or less what he said:
Trainer (T): Take that one really smart guy who's a paraplegic, what's his name?
Audience (A): Stephen Hawking.
T: Yeah, Stephen Hawking.  So they wheel him out in his chair and he sat there for about ten minutes not saying anything.  The audience got really nervous and didn't know what to do.  I thought he was dead.  He wasn't afraid to use silence and he didn't get embarrassed about it.  I don't know if he can get embarrassed.
(A co-worker and I look at each other and start laughing.  It was really hard to stop.  We were both thinking, Paraplegics are paralyzed so they can't get embarrassed?)
T: His speech was really good.  I didn't understand a single thing he said, but it was fantastic.

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