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It is easier to prevent than heal

but sometimes we have to get sick to remember what it's like to be well. Sometimes we have to break ourselves almost in two just to remember what being whole feels like.

Sometimes we have to surround ourselves with hate to realize who loves us and what love is.

Sometimes we have to fall into sin to remember how close God is and how He will run to our rescue if we only say the word.

This past month I have felt evil in the air so thick that everyone who came into my home got the chills. I have fasted and prayed, fasted and wept. Although I prayed again and again for the binding and the casting out of whatever that was, I found myself running like someone escaping a burning building.

I have heard lies told about who I am and what I've done. I will never, ever again let anyone tell me how I feel or who I am. I am a child of God, worthy of being treated with love. I am not exempt from treating others with love. I am not crazy. I am not a temptress. I will not have respect demanded of me and not returned.

I am angry and I own that anger. I hold it in my hands and use it as a sheild. Surviving is not enough for me. I will rise out of the ashes like a Phoenix and I will do what my adversary is powerless to do: I will forgive him, wish well on him, and head back in the right direction. Bruised, but not broken, sorrowing, but not depressed, refined, but not consumed, beaten, but not destroyed. 

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