A therapist named Roger Hillerstrom came to talk at a fellowship that I go to. He said a lot of really interesting things, but one of the most interesting to me was his intimacy continuum. He based it on things that you share with someone instead of vague concepts like, "mutual trust."
So here's my summary of it:
Level 1: You are willing to share factual information with the other person. Example: "Oh, look it's raining!" Violation: "Only an idiot would think it's raining." Defense: No personal information was shared.
Level 2: You are willing to share other people's opinions. Example: "My boss thinks that he can predict the rain by his headaches." Violation: "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Defense: "I don't believe that either."
Level 3: You are willing to share your opinions. Example: "I think that the rain is beautiful." Violation: "What?! The rain is ugly and depressing." Defense: "Yeah, I can see how you might think so."
Level 4: You are willing to share your past. Example: "The rain reminds me of the flood that killed my cat." Violation: "It's your fault your cat died." Defense: "I've learned how to swim so it won't happen again."
Level 5: You are willing to share your feelings. Example: "I'm sad because the rain reminds me of the flood that killed my cat." Violation: "You shouldn't feel that way." Defense: Does not exist.
Oh, by the way, apparently Roger Hillerstrom has a Myspace account.
So here's my summary of it:
Level 1: You are willing to share factual information with the other person. Example: "Oh, look it's raining!" Violation: "Only an idiot would think it's raining." Defense: No personal information was shared.
Level 2: You are willing to share other people's opinions. Example: "My boss thinks that he can predict the rain by his headaches." Violation: "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Defense: "I don't believe that either."
Level 3: You are willing to share your opinions. Example: "I think that the rain is beautiful." Violation: "What?! The rain is ugly and depressing." Defense: "Yeah, I can see how you might think so."
Level 4: You are willing to share your past. Example: "The rain reminds me of the flood that killed my cat." Violation: "It's your fault your cat died." Defense: "I've learned how to swim so it won't happen again."
Level 5: You are willing to share your feelings. Example: "I'm sad because the rain reminds me of the flood that killed my cat." Violation: "You shouldn't feel that way." Defense: Does not exist.
Oh, by the way, apparently Roger Hillerstrom has a Myspace account.