Star Wars is Non-Fiction, Obviously

There are many unknowns in the world. Aliens may be out there. Parallel dimensions might exist. Star Wars might actually be non-fiction, or at least that's where the online library put it:

Kids, I have something to tell you. C-3PO is real and he's hiding in your closet.

Somehow this didn't bother my daughter at all. No, what bothered her was Benjamin Franklin.

"He's scary," she said, "He isn't real, right?"

"No, he's real. But he died a long time ago."

"Did he go to Heaven?"

"I mean, probably."

"Is there more than one Heaven?"

By now, I know where she's going with this question and I'm struggling not to laugh. "No, there's only one Heaven."

"I don't want to go then. Not if Benjamin Franklin is there."

The next day she comes up to me, "I want to see a picture of Gingerman Franklin."

Yup, you've heard of Slenderman, but have you heard of Gingerman? He comes out of your hundred dollar bills and kills you with a kite. The next day, someone will find your body clutching an old-fashioned key.

Short Story: Distraction

It was an office, not unlike any of the other offices around the city. There were windows, visible to the lucky few cubes on the ends of the rows. Then there was Vera's cube, situated next to the row of manager's offices. Today she was lucky, someone had left their door open and precious slant of sunlight escaped, warming her back and washing out half of her computer screen. "I never realized your hair was red," Tracy dumped a large stack of paper on her desk, "The florescent lights make everything look so soupy." "What is that?" she pointed at the stack of paper. Tracy only offered compliments when he wanted a favor. "I need this entered," he smiled, a dimple appearing in his cheek. "You have a secretary," Vera waved a freckled hand to her left, "Ask him." "He's sick," Tracy gave her puppy-dog eyes, batting his long dark eyelashes. Vera sighed and fought back a smile. Tracy was such a s...

Weirdest Hotel Ever

I am beside myself with glee. I really thought this weekend would be fun, but not that special sort of fun that makes me giggle like a child. There is an abandoned mall inside this hotel. This is not a drill. Let’s back up for a minute. I’m in Yakima at the Hilton Tapestry hotel, a place known for having Mason roots. There is a tour you can take, but it’s only on weekdays, and I have already spent a night in a Shriner clown room*, so I’m good. This hotel is labyrinthine. The outside is a confusion of empty storefronts showcasing local art and no admittance doorways. The garage is keycard access only. The porte cochere is more of circular drive, with one part of the circle blocked by potted plants and a grouping of roped off chairs. There is a patio with arched columns, gated with ornamental fencing, where an air conditioning unit is housed. Walking around the hotel gives a disorienting feeling of always head...

Perfect Quote(s) for Valentine's Day

"Lovers in the first stages of attraction speak in harmonic dissonance-echoing and remarking on things that make no sense to anyone but their intended." -George Hagen, Tom Bedlam ********************************************************** Evira: "Yup, the lyrics really are 'Your sex is on fire.'" Agnes: "If my sex was on fire, I would hope that you would call 911."

Refracted Neurons

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