Things were fine. The air was crisp and icy. If Russell looked down, he could see his skis, red against the treetops. Everything was in a hush except for the grinding of the lift.
It was fine. Skiing was fun.
A wind blew and his vision blurred. The sound of the lift increased, then he was nudged off the seat and onto the snow. Majesty screamed at him, but he didnāt hear it. All he could think of was the empty spot he had left in the lift behind him.
āLook at this guy, heās just standing there,ā the voice was teasing.
āMust be his first time.ā
They laughed.
Russell gripped his ski poles. Through his thick gloves, he couldnāt feel the bumps of the grip. He couldnāt feel anything. He was rising out of his body with the steam that rose out of his mouth. He was melting into the snow underneath his feet. He was slowing into a glacier, dying and being born.
The ski lift dropped off another pair. A skier in a purple parka slid sideways, then backward. Russell grabbed her and arrested their mutual descent into a bank of trees.
āAre you okay?ā It was the first time heād spoken all day, and his lips felt thick and clumsy.
āUh.ā It was a woman with oversized goggles. Her eyes were wide behind them, her mouth hidden behind a scarf.
Russell waited for her to say that she was okay, but instead, she set off down the hill. He watched her fall and slide on her bottom until she was out of sight. āThatās the nice part of skiing alone,ā he told himself, āNo one to slow you down. No one to keep up with. You just do you.ā
He set off, gravity pulling him along until he was only aware of the slope in front of him. Once the ground leveled out, he was numb and ready to board the ski lift again.
It was two oāclock when he stumbled into the lodge cafeteria. Even though the lunch hour was over, there was still a line for the soup bar. Russell was trying to decide between waiting or settling for a dry looking sandwich when something purple caught his eye. He turned his back and stared at the vat of cheddar broccoli soup.
āHey, youāre the guy who helped me earlier.ā
āNo, I donāt think so.ā
āYes, you are. I recognize your hat.ā
Russell took off his hat and stuffed it in his pocket, āLots of people have this hat.ā
āIt has flowers on it.ā
āPeople like flowers.ā
āI guess.ā
The line moved forward and Russell took a bowl.
āJeanie,ā the woman reached over him and took a bowl.
āWhat?ā
āThatās my name.ā
āI didnāt ask,ā Russell dipped the ladle into the soup.
Jeanie held up her bowl, āAre you here with friends?ā
āNope,ā Russell ladled soup into her bowl.
āWanna sit together?ā
āYeah.ā Mentally he kicked himself. Things had been fine, fun even. Now heād have to be careful not to slurp his soup, or fill it full of crushed crackers. Brad had always hated it when he did that and Chris called it āPU-stew.ā
He picked up a packet of crackers anyway. Jeanie was right behind him, snagging two packs of oyster crackers with her skinny fingers. They paid, gathered their sporks, and settled into a melamine booth.
āWhat was your name?ā Jeanie ripped open a packet of crackers.
āRussell,ā he dipped the spork into the soup.
Jeanie dumped the oyster crackers into her soup. Mixing it together, she ate a spoonful.
āSo you like PU-stew?ā
Jeanie covered her mouth, āIs that what you call it?ā
āMy friend Chris used to. Before he got a girlfriend. Now they do, you know, couples skis,ā Russell opened the packet of saltines. He crumbled the cracker, watching the pieces snow down on the cheese soup.
āSo thatās why youāre alone. Me, I got ditched,ā she stabbed her PU-stew with the tines of her spork.
āYouāll meet up with your friends again,ā Russell took a sporkful of soup. The warmth of it spread through him as he swallowed.
Jeanie frowned at him, her mouth pulled into a tight, upside-down smile.
Since she was silent, he imagined her repeating the last thing she said. āSo this is why youāre alone,ā her eyes were hurt, accusing.
It was fine. He didnāt need anyone slowing him down.
āI hope youāre right,ā Jeanie croaked. She swiped at her eyes with a brown paper napkin.
āWe can hang out until they do.ā
No. Why did he say that?
āI could give you some skiing tips.ā
No, stop.
āYouāre sweet,ā she sniffed, ābut I donāt feel like skiing.ā
āWe could . . . spin coins.ā
āWhat?ā There was a hitch in her voice as if she was somewhere between laughing and crying.
āWeāll sit here and spin coins until your friends show up. Everyoneās gotta eat,ā Russell dug in his pocket. He produced four shiny quarters, enough to run the drier in the shared laundry.
Jeanie snorted, āOkay, but I feel bad.ā
āWhy?ā Russell gave a coin a flick. It spun like a dizzy ballerina.
āYou came here to ski. Not to babysit.ā
āYouāre not a baby,ā Russell started another quarter. The two coins circled each other.
āI have a boyfriend.ā
āOkay.ā
āI just donāt want you to feel like you wasted your time.ā
āI already do,ā Russell spun another coin.
One quarter wobbled in front of Jeanie. It made a ringing sound, like the chime of a bell. She slapped it down with her hand, āYou donāt have to stay with me. Iāll be fine.ā
āOkay then,ā Russell stood. He looked at his soup. He sat.
āI wasnāt saying you had to leave,ā she set the quarter into motion. It skittered across the table. āJust, you know, you can do what you want.ā
āI want to eat my soup.ā
āYeah, me too.ā
They ate, the other tablesā conversations filling in for them.
āAnd then Steve . . .ā
ā. . . that one next.ā
āBut I really like cross-country better . . .ā
Jeanie finished her soup with a sigh, āNow Iām happy.ā
āThatās all it takes, huh?ā Russell peered into his paper bowl. There was soup left, but not enough to scoop up with his spork. If he was alone, he could lift the bowl up and drink it.
āDo you want more?ā
āNo, Iām good,ā he crumpled up his napkin and dropped it in his bowl. The napkin darkened as it soaked up the soup.
āOh,ā Jeanieās eyes widened.
Russell followed her gaze. Three men tramped over to the cafeteria counter, each grabbing a plastic tray.
āThey all went to college together,ā Jeanie clung to the side of the table.
āThey feel like youāre trying to break them up,ā Russell picked up his quarters, āLike me, they donāt want to ski alone.ā
āNeither do I!ā
āItās fine though, fun even. Unless you go down every hill like that on your bottom, then youāll be sore tomorrow.ā
Jeanie laughed, then her face sobered, āI have to go soon.ā
āI was leaving anyway,ā Russell stood up. Outside the snow seemed to go on forever, and he couldnāt wait to see where it took him.