Refracted Neurons

Before I start my list, a word of advice to all virgins out there: if you dress like a skank it will put you in uncomfortable situations. Your typical guy will be horrified that you don't want to have sex with him. He will be asking himself, "Am I inferior?" You will be horrified that he wants to have sex with you. You will be asking yourself, "Do I LOOK like a skank?" So here are a few basic rules to follow: 1) Clothing should not look like it is painted on, unless it really is painted on. 2) Your hair should never be longer than your dress or skirt. If possible, wear a floor length skirt. If this does not solve your problem, wear your hair up. 3) Wonderbras are up there with immaculate conception. Avoid both if possible. 4) Beware of skorts (AKA skirt/short combos). Although they seem modest, they have a nasty habit of riding up and inadvertently exposing the rear. This can lead to other unpleasant events such as exorcism. 5) You must own a calf length ...

1. The Cheat is not dead. 2. A letter from an old friend. 3. Dancing at an office party. 4. Seeing my parents again. 5. Animals! The coffee and the alive kind. 6. Getting a bruise from a mock fist fight, then hitting the person who bruised me with a (new) toilet brush. 7. The song "He has made me glad" because He has. 8. Fuzzy things. 9. Not knowing what binary is and not caring. 10. Rain. 

Amala picks melted cheese off things. G hates raisins, prunes, Cheese Nips, fabric softener, lotion, and playing cards. Platano picks onions off everything. J hates all condiments except Ketchup, jam, and a few others. Ob and Hez are vegans. My sister is allergic to cheese and crab. My mom doesn't like food that's too spicy. My dad hates stewed tomatoes. KM won't eat any meat except fish. The Hebrews had very restricted diets and they were God's chosen people. Jesus didn't eat pork either. E, who was in the military, doesn't like the food on her plate to touch other food on her plate. I've known a plethora of people who don't like olives, especially green ones. N wouldn't eat a cheeto with cheese wiz on it. I won't eat a lot of things. Amala likes orange suckers. G likes vienna sausages. Platano likes all kinds of foods. J also likes vienna sausage. Ob and Hez eat weird green things (semiola?). My sister likes tabuli. My da...

Amala and I went to Texas' Halloween party yesterday. We spent the entire time 1. drinking rootbeer 2. giggling and 3. dancing with each other. The fun thing about costume parties is that scary people are even scarier. There was some guy with silver paint all over him who scared the living daylights out of me. He spent the entire party 1. speaking gibberish and 2. handing out sharks' teeth. Anytime he came within a foot of me, I used my butterfly wings to create a buffer zone. Everyone kept crashing into my wings. I got stuck on the pantry door in the kitchen and people were trying to help me. "There you go, little butterfly," said someone behind me. The scary guy tried to give me a shark's tooth, but I wouldn't take it. He offered it to Amala and she said something smart to him. So he threw the shark's tooth down the front of her bodice. Amala was horrified, "I don't know where that went!" It definitely wasn't on the floor. We...

1. Walked around Greenlake 2. Got blisters on my feet 3. Bought furry flip-flops 4. Went to a picnic 5. Walked barefoot in the sand 6. Channeled my rage into removing two bicycles from the rafters of the garage 7. Cried (I do this a lot) 8. Organized things at work 9. Yelled at a cyclist who just happened to be the fifth cyclist riding on the wrong side of the road, against traffic lights, and straight towards my car 10. Made cookies in the shape of wild boars, geckos, horses, giraffes, and amoebas 11. Heard a rumor that made me anxious 12. Cut my arm on said bicycles from number six 

I met a dog at the park today, a big husky with blue eyes. It was so big and muscular, that it's man couldn't control it. It ran up to me and made me pet it. When I passed it again, it jerked towards me and almost tripped it's man. I wanted to steal it. I ran today at the park. I ran across the grass and up the hill. Then the "I'm not in shape" started to kick in. Everything started turning orange. For a second there, it felt really good. Harm I don't wish on anybody ---------------------------- 1. Falling in a giant vat of boiling lard 2. Getting shot out of a giant catapult 3. Having your corpse eaten by llamas 4. Being attacked by an industrial sized can of pears 5. Feeling the need to repeat what people say and yell "YAY!" afterward. 6. Getting run over by an Element 

"How can I vow eternal love for one man when I can't even maintain a month's devotion to a single pair of earrings?"-In the Presence of the Enemy, Elizabeth George "'He set out to give me the heebie-jeebies, and he certainly succeeded. I don't mean . . .' Didn't mean what? To be racist? Was 'heebie-jeebies' short for 'Hebrew' jeebies? But that was ridiculous. That would be 'Hebrew-jeebrews,' a phrase which was meaningless."-Stephen King "It's dangerous, I know, and it can hurt a lot. That doesn't neccessarily mean it's serious, too."-Kilgore Trout on life, Breakfast of Champions, Kurt Vonnegut Why Commuters (and especially I) don't like Tourists --------------------------------------------------------- 1. They managed to run McDonald's out of icecream today. 2. They leave their car alarms on when they ride the ferry. 3. They talk loudly and/or play their car stereos while commu...