Refracted Neurons

My soon-to-be roomate and I saw the scariest apartment yesterday.  It was, to give it credit, huge.  It had three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and tons of storage space.  It also reminded me of The Shining. The first thing that really made my jaw drop was the free-standing wood burning heater in the living room.  Then I made the mistake of looking up in the bathrooms.  Someone has decided it would be soothing to have blue paint splotches all over the ceilings of both bathrooms.  The icing on the cake of this apartment was what I refered to as "the closet room."  It was a narrow room, about three feet wide, with nothing but two giant closets in it.  I stood inside the room and gaped at my roomate.  I kept having visions of storing Sysco 10 cans in the closet room and making out with strangely attractive corpses in the splotchy bathrooms while my roomate breaks the lease by chasing other tenants with an axe and then running away in a snowplow. ...

"Oh, you're a Libra, that explains a lot!  I used to date Libras.  Man!  You'll find love with a Libra, whether you like it or not!"-One of my co-workers on Libras "It's not mindgames, it's empowerment, that's all." -Evira after being told by me that she was playing mindgames, boardgames, all kinds of games. "'I suffer,' he announced firmly. 'Then you really must find another job,' she urged him sympathetically, 'You certainly must be qualified for some work where you don't have to shoot people, or beat them or torture them to death.' 'Job?' he said, frowning . . . 'There is nothing wrong with my job.  It is my mistress who causes me torment.'" -Dorothy Gilman The Unexpected Mrs. Pollifax 

Me: It's not rat poop it's jelly beans. Co-worker: How can you be sure? Me: Because I ate one.

Every month I have to go to the bank and cash the petty cash check for work.  It's kind of boring and the only thing that has kept it interesting is one of the bankers, who I think is a vampire.  He has black hair, pale skin, bottomless eyes, sharp incisors, and long fingernails.  He usually dances around behind the plexi-glass (installed so he won't bite the customers) and makes his hands into gun shapes when the the money counter makes its "rat-a-tat-tat" sound.  In short, he's entertaining. So you can imagine my dismay when I found out that the bank had moved, and Gary the Vampire Banker was no where to be seen.  Did the new management stake him?  Did they try to move during the day and he turned to ash?  Does the new bank cramp his style due to the lack of underground catcombs, creaking doors, and abundant vermin?

I've been disorganized, tripping over things, forgetting things, losing things, unable to point east on a cloudless morning.  The good thing is that I've been working on a new Agnes Adventure! I've been frickin' frackin' busy for about a month.  I took a GRE prep course and I've been trying to study, but today it just isn't happening.  I had a really weird dream last night that I had wandered into a garden full of wolves.  There were other women and a (male) gardener/game warden there.  I was running late for work, but I had to move slowly through the garden so the wolves won't see me.  The gardener herded the women and me together, telling us not to panic or the wolves would attack.  Then he said that one of the wolves had "locked on" to one of the women (like a guided missile?).  Suddenly this furry thing came running towards us, and I panicked.  It bit me right in the crotch and I thought I was going to die.  Then I realized...

I found out last week that I have a rare skin disease.  It's called Pityriasis Lichenoides Chronica.  I've had it for six months and thought it was excema the whole time.  Fortunately, mine is just on my hands.  I saw some pretty scary pictures of it on people's butts on the internet.  I would explain more about it, except that the whole thing seems confusing and no one knows what causes it.  It's not contagious, and as my dermatologist said, "It's related to a disease that's related to another disease . . . be very careful when you look it up!"  He was trying to tell me that he doesn't think I'm dying (of AIDS, cancer, Epstein Barr, Hepatitis, etc). Anyway, the medicine is a lot worse than the disease.  It makes me feel sick and requires blood monitoring.  I looked that up too.  He's giving me a small dose of a chemotherapy drug.  It makes me wonder how people manage when they're on chemo.  I met a guy once who was on chemo...

Guy: So, you got your eye on any of the guys here? Me: All of them. Guy: Good answer. Me: This room is just swimming with hotness.  I'm overwhelmed!  My head is spinning!