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Showing posts from 2005

Fireflies

I just found this post. I had saved it from the spring of this year and never posted it. I might use it for another poem I've been working on. I catch moments of darkness in a jar screw the lid on tight, and shake it watch! the light it produces 

Five Things I Need To Tell Prince Charming

One of my friends asked me what were the five things that I would want to discuss with my husband before I married him.  I usually just grumble at her something like, "Where the hell is he?" but, it being Christmas, I decided to humor her. Five Things I Need To Tell and/or Discuss with Prince Charming 1.  This is a very important one, so pay attention:  I will not live in a shack and help you build our dream home.  I will only live in a shack if we can't afford something better.  But, if you have enough money to buy acreage, building materials, and the tools you will need (back hoes, cement mixers, etc.) to build the house; why not just buy a small little house with heat and a shower?  I am an absolute bitch when I'm dirty and cold and I don't think our marriage will hold up under the strain of it.  Besides, I don't know how I feel about this back ho business . . . 2.  Children.  How many and from where.  I'm not too picky, but if you say zero, we

Things I've Done In December

1. Posted a blank entry (whoops!) 2. Went skiing (yay!) 3. Almost lost a windshield wiper on 16 West (yikes) 4. Walked into a door (ouch) 5. Went to the dentist four times 6. Salsa danced with a bunch of drunk engineers 7. Slept on a feather bed (ooooooo . . .) 8. Wrote some new poetry (coming soon) 9. Got another eye infection 10. Visited my family twice (I'm there now) 11. Had someone spit in my face 

Happy Birthday MoM!

"I'm mad because! I have rabies. I'm really friendly and then I bite your leg, froth at the mouth, and die."-Me, circa 1997, but still true today. "If you have a venereal disease, wear a condom. If you spit, wear a sheild."-My mom after learning that someone accidentally spit in my face.

Why I don't drink

"You're energetic today." "I think it's because all I had to eat was green olives and shortbread. Maybe I'm pregnant . . . Go me! Immaculate conception! The Holy Spirit dwelt upon me, ye-ah!" "What form did the Holy Spirit take this time?" "Lots of hot men. Maybe that wasn't a dream after all." ************************************************* "That's false advertising! That's like me changing my name to 'Hot Sex.'" "You're going to change your name to 'Hot Sex?'" "It would be false adventising!" "Are you drunk?" "No . . ."

Two Random Thoughts

1. Someone told me recently that there is now a "vaccine" for tobacco.  If you get this shot, your body will no longer absorb nicotine.  I immediately went into a rage and was walking down the street yelling, "Where the f*ck is my HIV vaccine?  Where is my replacement drug for penicillin?"  Where is my panacea? 2. I used to always think that "This old man goes rolling home" meant that the guy was doing a log roll or a somersault all the way home.  Now, I'm not so sure.  Maybe this old man was rolling in his big old man car.  I mean, you never see old men driving fast, they just kind of cruise.  I was stuck behind this old man (not the one from the song) the other day and he didn't get over 20 mph the entire time.  I was way too lazy to pass him, so I just rolled along behind him and pondered deeper things.

Stick To What You Love

There's a new set of Acura adverts out that say, "Stick To What You Love." It made me start thinking about what I love. At first I was thinking of who I love, but then I realized that that's not what the advert says. So instead of trying to unscramble that mess in my brain, I thought, "Gee, what do I love?" This is what I came up with: 1. I love people. I have shut myself off from people for a while now, and just recently started opening up my life to people again. I want to make new friends and renew old friendships. I've been delinquent-but no more. 2. I love music. I love going to shows and trying to play instruments. I love singing-to myself, to my cat, to my friends (while they give me crazy looks). 3. I love poetry. I love writing poems, reading my poems to other people and seeing it touch them. I like reading and hearing other's poetry. I like being touched so deeply by a poem that I want to shake the poet and yell at him/her to stop. 4.

The Measure Of This Woman

No this has nothing to do with the fabulous book by a similar name. My family and I got really silly with a measuring tape and here are the results: My head is 22.5" around My hair is 59" long My neck is 12" around From finger tip to finger tip, my arm span is 5'6" I am 5'5" Chest, waist, hips: 36", 27", 37" My feet are 9" long Yeah, go on, tell yourself I'm really weird. You know you're going to go and measure to see if your head is bigger than mine. 

No, I don't know how it is

"In a Swedish newspaper poll taken last year, 40 percent of respondents said they'd like to be freeze-dried and used to grow a plant."-Mary Roach, Stiff "People were getting mugged going to church . . . then the city condemned the sanctuary . . . you know how it is."

"Life, Don't Talk To Me About Life"

This past week sucked: 1. I yelled at someone I shouldn't have yelled at. 2. Cried over #1. 3. Messed up in front of someone I've been trying to impress. 4. Got charged for validated parking (this should be illegal). 5. My boss' car was broken into (I'm appropriating other's problems). 6. Got an eye infection from #2 (now wearing glasses and taking steroid/antibiotic drops). 7. Fell up a case of stairs due to #6 and scraped up my hand. 8. Found out that my brakes are bad and had to spend three hours at the mechanics not for them to fix it, but for them to tell me that my brakes are bad. Funny In Spite Of It All: 1. Getting taken out to lunch by my boss' boss for messing up. 2. Having a co-worker tell me that she doesn't like my glasses because, "You have such beautiful eyes and the glasses make them look weird and sleepy." 3. Horrifying a friend by insisting on cleaning my scraped hand with Scope (the only antiseptic that she owns and

A Funny Thing Happened To Me This Weekend

I was in QFC in a bad mood (I've been PMSing) with only bean dip and a pizza in my cart trying to find the Pepsi. I finally spotted it under a large neon sign that said "Foreign Cuisine" and was about to go grab one, when the clearance section caught my eye. Nine times out of ten, I find nothing even remotely interesting and/or useful in the clearance section, but I always am compelled to look. So I'm poking at useless and broken items and I see something out of the corner of my eye that appears to say, "Female Urinal Device." I bend down and, sure enough, that's what the box says. Don't get me wrong, I know there's a perfectly good use for these things when one is in traction or whatever, but the last place I would go looking for one would be a QFC. So I'm standing there bent over, staring at the Female Urinal Device with my mouth open, when I hear a voice behind me say, "Can I help you find anything?" I turn around (stand up and

All Up Ons

What is it about me lately that makes men want to 1. Spank me (or at least the air next to my butt) 2. Kiss me 3. Ask me out "Where's you're ring?" "I don't have a ring." "Where's your man? Hey, come back here!" "I'm sorry, sir, but your youth is not here." "What are your plans tonight? Going to a party?" "Yes." "You should take me as your date." "It's not that kind of party." "What kind of party is it? Drinking and drugs?" "No, I don't do that. It's just close personal friends." "You should bring me. They'll be fucking, I mean hella surprised." "No, that's okay. Just cross 12th Avenue and that should take you where you need to be." Am I wearing a sign? If so, what does it say? 

Real Hipsters

Our society has convinced us that there is an absolute for cool, a sort of Plato's realm of ideal shapes for hipsters. Last night an old friend of mine reminded me that cool is as subjective as any of those other abstractions that we throw around. Cool for me probably isn't going to be cool for you. And you know what? I intend not to care anymore. If you don't like my booty dance, the way I sing in my car, or the way I live my life that's too damn bad. I do what I do because deep down inside, I really think it's cool. 

All of the planets have aligned

"Sorry to get all pagan on your ass . . ."-My Roommate "I am so surprised I gave birth to a horse playing sassy slut."-My mom "Lots of chocolate, baths, and the Bible will sort everything out for you."-My Roommate "You think you can walk over here and back and I won't follow you? I'm gonna follow you everywhere like a puppy! Mmm-hmm!"-Federal Work Release Prisoner 

I am a live wire

touch me and elec tricity will sing through your veins if you don't wear in your rubbersouls ideas of escaping near life collisions near mind caresses no? are you careless? or do you mean to open my veins, circuml ocute my hard wiring?
"A fool is someone who knows the right thing to do and doesn't do it."-Pastor Troy Harvey 

Banjot! Makefootie!

I know, I know, you want an Agnes adventure or maybe a new poem. Instead, you get me cussing in Hindi. Things I have done since my last journal entry: 1) Story-boarded an Agnes comic. (anticipated release date: 2300AD) 2) Shut my head in the refrigerator. Easy in, not so easy out. 3) Went camping in the hot springs! 4) Barfed in front of my boyfriend's parents three times. 5) Got promoted at least once. 6) Had a garage door shut on my car. 7) Got caught writing notes in work meetings twice. (I was writing "People are very angry and are buying bulk food. Thank you, George W Bush.") That's all I can think of right now.