Refracted Neurons

I was at Saint V de P today doing something that I really shouldn't do.  It's not a sin, but it really should be; I was buying books.  I have a bookshelf in my little tiny apartment that is exploding with books and the last thing I need is more books.  Anyway, I'm sitting on the floor trying to decide if I really need my own personal copy of My Utmost for His Highest, when someone turns on a radio playing oldies.  At first I was irritated because it sounded awful with the elevator music that was playing over the intercom, but then the clerk in the back started singing.  "Ooooh girl, come back to me . . ." he was good, he was LOUD, and he was even doing the falsetto parts. I don't know about you, but I'm one of those people who sings in their car.  I have seen other people doing this, so I know that I look stupid.  I usually stop singing at intersections so I can pretend that I'm not being an idiot.  Anyway, the situation in St. V de P reminded me of

The mailman who delivers mail to work is really strange.  Not a strange person, but strange for a mailman.  Our past mailmen have all been older and all of them wore a uniform.  This guy is young and never wears a uniform.  The first five times he came to deliver the mail I kept asking him who he was coming to visit.  He looks like someone I went to highschool with.  Not anyone in particular really, just that one type of guy that all the girls had crushes on.  Our old mailman used to say hi and ask how my day was going.  This guy always says, "Hay!" and then smirks at me.  Today after he smirked he said, "Habadoyon," which is mailmanese for "Have a good one."  I carried the mail into my office and started sneezing.  Then I noticed a strange stain on the mail.  Then, I started to smell it.  Yes, our mail was drenched in Polo.  Which begs the question: does he carry cologne in his mailbag?  If so, why?  And if not, what on earth happened to my mail?  

Our pastor did a sermon on burn out today.  It was the best sermon I've ever heard him give.  He gave 12 reasons for burn out: 1. Constant opposition 2. Little results 3. Overextended 4. Working outside of our gifts 5. Thinking we are the only ones 6. Going it alone 7. Not enough rest, exercise, food 8. Lack of discernment 9. Associating with negative people 10. Forgetting the basics of prayer, Bible reading, fellowship 11. Doing it for others, not ourselves 12. Setting unattainable goals

but sometimes we have to get sick to remember what it's like to be well. Sometimes we have to break ourselves almost in two just to remember what being whole feels like. Sometimes we have to surround ourselves with hate to realize who loves us and what love is. Sometimes we have to fall into sin to remember how close God is and how He will run to our rescue if we only say the word. This past month I have felt evil in the air so thick that everyone who came into my home got the chills. I have fasted and prayed, fasted and wept. Although I prayed again and again for the binding and the casting out of whatever that was, I found myself running like someone escaping a burning building. I have heard lies told about who I am and what I've done. I will never, ever again let anyone tell me how I feel or who I am. I am a child of God, worthy of being treated with love. I am not exempt from treating others with love. I am not crazy. I am not a temptress. I will not have respect d