Well, the guinea pig house just sold for $790,000. Yes, you read that right - $790,000. At first I didn't know what my husband was talking about when he told me. He said, "You know, that really nice house with the nice fence." It wasn't until we drove by it, that I realized he was talking about the hippie house with the tree climbing guinea pig. "Do you think it comes with the guinea pig?" I asked.
I was a little surprised something in my neighborhood was going for that price. I mean Pinehurst, people. No one even knows where Pinehurst is. Don't get me wrong, I love my 'hood, but that's because of it's weird little faults. I live in the city, yet I don't have a sidewalk. Our street drains are made out of wood. The entire neighborhood is built on a low hill, so the house behind us is an entire story higher than our home. Think of it this way, if you were a parkour ninja, you could jump from their backyard onto our roof.
Walk a few blocks and suddenly you're at Northgate Mall. Everything is postmodern, nobody has built anything on a foundation of cinder-blocks, and ennui is thick in the air.
I should probably mention one of my neighbors has an in-ground swimming pool. This makes absolutely zero sense in our climate, and even less sense in our neighborhood. Everyone else is working class, proletariat and bourgeoisie rubbing elbows if you will. Then there's this random estate with our feudal lord, I guess. Am I confusing my historical periods and places? Probably. I never really liked history until I took a class on the history of poverty. So don't ask me anything about kings and wars and shit. Unless we're talking about actual excrement, I just don't care.
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On the topic of houses, check out my short story based on This is the House that Jack Built. If you find a lot of my fiction a little TLDR, this one is so short that you can finish it in less time than it takes to drink a cup of coffee.
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Hey reader, were you forced to read Crime and Punishment in highschool? Did you also, like me, think there were like ten million people in the book before you figured out the bit about Russian nicknames? Well, I'm about to pull some Dostoyevsky nonsense on you by changing one of my character's names half-way through Egregious.
Also, one more thing before the teaser and link: people who know me always ask me why my female main characters don't look like me/have longer hair. So instead of giving people dirty looks every time they ask me that, I've decided to change tactics.
Behold: my self-insert character!
Behold: my self-insert character!
"Didn't anyone tell you?” Mina untied her hair. It fell down her back in a cascade, the tips licking at the floor, “Devils these days, I swear. They know how this system works. They get paid for every new priest they bring in.”
Tatiana watched Mina pull her hair back up, winding it into a tight ball. “I’m sorry, but you have really long hair and I have no idea what you just said.”
Mina sighed, “Nothing important. Let’s talk about your assignment, then I'll let you get some rest.” Mina walked back to her throne, pushing a button on the arm, “So here’s Citadel.” A map appeared on the opposite wall. “All the red areas need another priest.” The red was mostly clustered around the border of Citadel, with additional patches scattered across the map.
“What about Egregia?” Tatiana pointed below the border line.
“Oh, no you don't,” Mina shook a finger disapprovingly, “Next you’ll start in about how the wall is really there to keep us in, not keep the cursed out."
Read Chapter 11: Ollie Ollie Oxen.