With the Year of the Rat just having dawned, I thought I'd share an excerpt from something I wrote a while ago that has to do with . . . rats!
It is a Tracy-and-Vera, so if that isn't your cup-a-joe, you might want to skip this one. Like most Tracy-and-Veras, it ends with Vera quitting. Also like most Tracy-and-Veras, it's a little over the top.
Vera yawned cavernously as Lynn leaned over the side of her cube. “We’re looking at that Customer Engagement report you made and we had some questions,” Lynn’s face was stern, “Drink some coffee and slap yourself before you go in the conference room.” He walked towards his office.
“Where are you going?” Vera snapped another yawn.
“I’m getting some of my files on my best and worst engagers. I want to check my notes, see if I’m asking the right questions,” Lynn disappeared as he ducked down to open his filing cabinet.
Vera stood up and stretched. She circled by the kitchen to fill a mug with coffee, then headed for the conference room. “Intimidating,” she thought as she opened the door. Elle and Tracy were the only familiar faces.
“Vera, have a seat,” Elle pointed to an empty spot. Vera squeezed past the backs of the occupied chairs, sliding as gracefully as possible into her seat. Lynn came back into the room, a file folder open in one hand, a stack of folders tucked under his other arm. Vera felt someone kick her under the table. She moved her foot back, only to get kicked again. “Vera, we had a question about the data source you used to arrive at,” Elle glanced at the report on the screen, “‘Touch/Time ratio.’”
“Well, the agents log every contact they have with a client in the database,” Vera tucked both her legs as far back under her chair as she could, “I had the report count the number of contacts in specific windows of time to see if there actually was a correlation betweeeeen-” Vera was so startled that she stopped in the middle of her sentence. Something had just gone up her skirt, something large. “Rat!” Vera pushed back from the table, slapping her lap. She jumped on a chair, hoping against hope that rats couldn’t climb. She was pretty sure rats could do just about anything.
Everyone in the room reacted in someway, drawing their legs off the floor, standing up, looking under the table, all the while talking nervously to each other. Tracy let out with a shriek, “It ran over my foot!” He kicked his right leg frantically, then jumped on top of the table.
“Enough!” Elle’s voice rose over the hubbub, “Everyone go back to your desks. Tracy, Vera, my office, now.”
“But the rat took my shoe!” Tracy protested, “You can’t expect me to walk across a rodent infested floor with only one shoe.”
Vera climbed off the chair, stumbling over an object. She almost screamed again before she realized it was Tracy’s shoe. “Here,” she picked it up with two fingers, holding it away from her body, “You must have lost it when you were kicking your leg.”
Tracy slid the shoe back on and followed his mother back to her office. Vera trailed them meekly. Was she in trouble? It seemed probable. Rat or not, screaming like that in a meeting was highly unprofessional.
“Close the door,” Elle instructed Tracy. He closed the door to her office, slumping in one of her visitor chairs. Vera uneasily perched on the edge of the other chair. Elle rested her elbows on the desk, forming a pyramid with her fingers, “I’m hoping that both of you are aware of the gravity of your actions.” She gazed sternly at Tracy, then at Vera.
“It won’t happen again,” Vera felt crushed, “even if a rat falls from the ceiling straight into my lap.”
Elle sighed, “We both know there was no rat.”
“We do?” Vera blinked at her, “It ran up my skirt.”
Elle tapped her fingers on the table.
“I mean, I didn’t see it,” Vera added anxiously, “I’m not trying to say there’s anything wrong with the office. I mean, that’s normal for the city, right?”
“Quit smiling,” Elle was staring at her son, “I have no problem demoting you if you’re going to treat meetings like a joke. As for Vera Cervenka,” she pointed at Vera as if she were an object, “I’ll transfer her to Lynn.”
Tracy sat up in his seat, “Moooooom, I didn’t know she’d think my foot was a rat.”
“What could possibly make you think that sort of behavior is okay at work? Have you ever heard of sexual harassment? Hostile work environment?” Elle’s voice was so loud that anyone in their office suite would be able to hear it.
“She’s in love with me,” Tracy stated matter-of-factly.
“Really,” Elle turned to Vera, “Just say the word and I’ll give you Tracy’s position and put him under Lynn. Think of it,” she dropped her tone to a soothing sing-song, “I’ll give you a raise. You’ll be managing a great team of independent workers. You’ll have to hire your own replacement of course, but no one knows what you do better than you. This could be really good for you. Think of how it would look on your resume. I could see you being a CEO someday, running your own company . . .”
“I . . . no. I don’t want it that way,” the anger started slow and low in Vera’s stomach, expanding upwards, filling her mouth, “I don’t believe in stepping on other people to climb. Both of you . . .” she shook her head then stood up and exited the room. Walking back to her cube, she threw a few personal items in a paper bag. She grabbed her purse, shut down her computer and left the building. Once in her car, she could finally finish her thought. It came out almost unintelligibly, mixed with tears, “ . . . disgust me. I quit!”
It is a Tracy-and-Vera, so if that isn't your cup-a-joe, you might want to skip this one. Like most Tracy-and-Veras, it ends with Vera quitting. Also like most Tracy-and-Veras, it's a little over the top.
-----------------------------🐀-----------------------------
Vera yawned cavernously as Lynn leaned over the side of her cube. “We’re looking at that Customer Engagement report you made and we had some questions,” Lynn’s face was stern, “Drink some coffee and slap yourself before you go in the conference room.” He walked towards his office.
“Where are you going?” Vera snapped another yawn.
“I’m getting some of my files on my best and worst engagers. I want to check my notes, see if I’m asking the right questions,” Lynn disappeared as he ducked down to open his filing cabinet.
Vera stood up and stretched. She circled by the kitchen to fill a mug with coffee, then headed for the conference room. “Intimidating,” she thought as she opened the door. Elle and Tracy were the only familiar faces.
“Vera, have a seat,” Elle pointed to an empty spot. Vera squeezed past the backs of the occupied chairs, sliding as gracefully as possible into her seat. Lynn came back into the room, a file folder open in one hand, a stack of folders tucked under his other arm. Vera felt someone kick her under the table. She moved her foot back, only to get kicked again. “Vera, we had a question about the data source you used to arrive at,” Elle glanced at the report on the screen, “‘Touch/Time ratio.’”
“Well, the agents log every contact they have with a client in the database,” Vera tucked both her legs as far back under her chair as she could, “I had the report count the number of contacts in specific windows of time to see if there actually was a correlation betweeeeen-” Vera was so startled that she stopped in the middle of her sentence. Something had just gone up her skirt, something large. “Rat!” Vera pushed back from the table, slapping her lap. She jumped on a chair, hoping against hope that rats couldn’t climb. She was pretty sure rats could do just about anything.
Everyone in the room reacted in someway, drawing their legs off the floor, standing up, looking under the table, all the while talking nervously to each other. Tracy let out with a shriek, “It ran over my foot!” He kicked his right leg frantically, then jumped on top of the table.
“Enough!” Elle’s voice rose over the hubbub, “Everyone go back to your desks. Tracy, Vera, my office, now.”
“But the rat took my shoe!” Tracy protested, “You can’t expect me to walk across a rodent infested floor with only one shoe.”
Vera climbed off the chair, stumbling over an object. She almost screamed again before she realized it was Tracy’s shoe. “Here,” she picked it up with two fingers, holding it away from her body, “You must have lost it when you were kicking your leg.”
Tracy slid the shoe back on and followed his mother back to her office. Vera trailed them meekly. Was she in trouble? It seemed probable. Rat or not, screaming like that in a meeting was highly unprofessional.
“Close the door,” Elle instructed Tracy. He closed the door to her office, slumping in one of her visitor chairs. Vera uneasily perched on the edge of the other chair. Elle rested her elbows on the desk, forming a pyramid with her fingers, “I’m hoping that both of you are aware of the gravity of your actions.” She gazed sternly at Tracy, then at Vera.
“It won’t happen again,” Vera felt crushed, “even if a rat falls from the ceiling straight into my lap.”
Elle sighed, “We both know there was no rat.”
“We do?” Vera blinked at her, “It ran up my skirt.”
Elle tapped her fingers on the table.
“I mean, I didn’t see it,” Vera added anxiously, “I’m not trying to say there’s anything wrong with the office. I mean, that’s normal for the city, right?”
“Quit smiling,” Elle was staring at her son, “I have no problem demoting you if you’re going to treat meetings like a joke. As for Vera Cervenka,” she pointed at Vera as if she were an object, “I’ll transfer her to Lynn.”
Tracy sat up in his seat, “Moooooom, I didn’t know she’d think my foot was a rat.”
“What could possibly make you think that sort of behavior is okay at work? Have you ever heard of sexual harassment? Hostile work environment?” Elle’s voice was so loud that anyone in their office suite would be able to hear it.
“She’s in love with me,” Tracy stated matter-of-factly.
“Really,” Elle turned to Vera, “Just say the word and I’ll give you Tracy’s position and put him under Lynn. Think of it,” she dropped her tone to a soothing sing-song, “I’ll give you a raise. You’ll be managing a great team of independent workers. You’ll have to hire your own replacement of course, but no one knows what you do better than you. This could be really good for you. Think of how it would look on your resume. I could see you being a CEO someday, running your own company . . .”
“I . . . no. I don’t want it that way,” the anger started slow and low in Vera’s stomach, expanding upwards, filling her mouth, “I don’t believe in stepping on other people to climb. Both of you . . .” she shook her head then stood up and exited the room. Walking back to her cube, she threw a few personal items in a paper bag. She grabbed her purse, shut down her computer and left the building. Once in her car, she could finally finish her thought. It came out almost unintelligibly, mixed with tears, “ . . . disgust me. I quit!”